All right, buttercups, listen up. I’m about to serve a steaming hot truth casserole: water is wet.
Yeah, i said it. Triggered? I can feel the outrage bubbling behind your screens: “Oh no, he didn’t!” Yes, I did. I’m the villain here, the bad boy of hydration discourse, and I’m going to get cancelled just for saying this out loud.
I get it. Everyone’s excited about powdered water—practically frothing at the mouth. It’s supposed cure thirst, create clean energy, and make you pregnant.
But guess what? That magical powder is useless without liquid dihydrogen monoxide. You heard me.
Is what I’m saying mere quackery? Or is it so sane, you’re afraid your framework of reality is cracking?
Oh, I get it. You’re clutching your pearls now. You’re thinking, “Is this guy serious, or has he completely lost his marbles?” Well, I’ll tell you this: my marbles are rolling at warp speed, and I’m not stopping to pick them up.
Right now, your worldview is crumbling. You’re questioning everything: reality, physics, your terrible life choices. You’re calling the cops. You think I’m some kind of hydration heretic. And guess what? I hear the sirens. They’re coming for me. The water police are at my door. I can already hear the headlines: “Local Lunatic Arrested for Speaking the Truth About Wetness.”
But I’m dying on this soggy, slippery hill. Because water is wet. And I’m taking that to the grave.